Michelle's death
by LegoCrafter2014
Summary: Michelle dies :( Warning! Character death in the first and third chapters and rape in the last one! Don't just skip to the last chapter, or it won't make any sense! So DON'T CHEAT!
1. Michelle's death

Disclaimer: I do not own any of "Allo! Allo!" or its characters.

_(Set after the events of "Michelle's secret". Set the day before the end of the war.)_

_(In General Von Klinkerhoffen's office)_

General von Klinkerhoffen: The British are winning!

Colonel von Strohm: That is terrible!

General von Klinkerhoffen: I have an idea. If we make an incredibly powerful electro-magnetic pulse, then all of the British military technology will be destroyed by it! This will weaken them!

Colonel von Strohm: That is an excellent idea, General! But will it not destroy our military technology, as well?

General von Klinkerhoffen: No. All German technology has just been protected against it.

Colonel von Strohm: Are you going to do it now, then?

General von Klinkerhoffen: Of course, now!

_(He presses a red button. A huge electromagnetic pulse is fired in all directions.)_

_(Meanwhile in Madam Fanny's room, Rene, Yvette, Maria and the British airmen are attempting to contact London.)_

Rene: Allo, London! Allo, London! Can you hear-

_(The radio short-circuits and turns off.)_

Rene: What the-?

_(Michelle crawls into the room. She is obviously injured.)_

Rene: Michelle, what brings you here?

Michelle: _(Hoarsely)_ The electromagnetic pulse…

Rene: Electromagnetic pulse?

Michelle: _(Hoarsely)_ It is killing me…

_(Fairfax is obviously concerned about Michelle.)_

Fairfax: Killing you?!

Michelle: _(Hoarsely)_ Yes. I…only have…a few minutes.

_(Some parts of Michelle's mechanisms start falling out of her stomach.)_

Michelle: The same electromagnetic pulse…that …that ruined your radio is the one that is killing me!

_(Fairfax gets up to run for help.)_

Fairfax: I'm going to get help!

Michelle: No one can help me at the moment.

Fairfax: Isn't there anything that we can do?

Michelle: Yes. In around seventy years' time, can you come and rebuild me?

Fairfax: Why seventy years?

Michelle: That is how long it takes for my body to become repairable after an electromagnetic pulse. So, will you rebuild it?

Fairfax: Of course!

Michelle: Then I can die in peace.

_(Michelle nods at Rene. Lots of parts suddenly fall out of her stomach and she collapses.)_

Michelle: Seventy years…

_(Michelle's eyes close as she dies. The others all start crying.)_

Fairfax: _(crying)_ Michelle!

Carstairs: _(crying)_ She was brilliant…and now she's dead!

Maria: _(crying)_ Why must the good die young?

Yvette: _(crying)_ Yes, why?

Rene: _(crying hardest of all)_ And what'll happen do her children? They're only 3 years old!

_(They sit there crying for the next half an hour. Suddenly, Michelle's ghost appears.)_

Maria: _(sniffing)_ I'm seeing things now!

Michelle: You're not. I am Michelle's ghost.

Fairfax: Either Michelle is standing there, or I'm seeing things.

Michelle: You're not! I **am** Michelle's ghost!

Fairfax: Sorry, Michelle. We were just sad about you passing away.

Rene: Why didn't you come back as soon as you died?

Michelle: I had to be judged. I got into trouble for some things, like using Resistance funds on myself, but I "passed", as the good things I did outweighed the bad things.

Fairfax: Erm…Shouldn't we bury your body, now?

Michelle: No! My body will not decay, and you are going to rebuild it in around 70 years.

Rene: Where will we put it?

Michelle: Put it in a coffin, then put that your basement.

Rene: What will the police say, though?

Michelle: That will not matter. Anyway, it will be hidden.

_(The next day…)_

Crabtree: Good moaning!

_(Michelle rolls her eyes.)_

Michelle: Crabtree, if I wasn't dead, then I'd teach you proper French! In fact, I'd teach all three of you chaps, while I'm at it!

Crabtree: What do you mean, you're dead?

Michelle: I mean **I'm DEAD!**

Crabtree: How?

Michelle: The electromagnetic pulse that occurred yesterday killed me.

Crabtree: Oh. Then why are you here?

Michelle: I can spend forty days here as a ghost, then I have to go up to heaven. Anyway, why did you come here?

Crabtree: I came to inform you that an electromagnetic pulse happened yesterday, which is why all of the technology broke. It seems that you already know that, though.

Michelle: Goodbye, then.

Crabtree: Goodbye.

_(Crabtree leaves.)_

Michelle: _(quietly)_ Psst! Rene! In here!

Rene: _(quietly)_ All right. I'm coming.

_(Michelle walks through the door into the back room. Rene then opens the door, enters, and then shuts it.)_

Michelle: Rene, you know that promise that I made, that I would look after the children? Since I am now dead, can you look after them?

Rene: Oh, all right. I can tell the others that it is a favour.

Michelle: Thank you, Rene.

Rene: You're welcome. May I leave, now?

Michelle: Yes.

_(Rene goes back into the café.)_

Michelle: _(Thinking)_ I hope he raises them well.

_(In the years that followed, Rene raised Michelle's children well, so they became good members of society.)_


	2. 68 years and 7 months later

_(In Great Britain, sixty-eight years and seven months later…)_

_(On Christmas day, Fairfax has just finished rebuilding Michelle.)_

Fairfax: Excellent! I've finished!

_(He presses the power button. Michelle twitches a bit, and then opens her eyes.)_

Fairfax: Michelle! Finally!

_(Michelle is slightly confused. She knows the voice, but does not recognise the face.)_

Michelle: Fairfax?

Fairfax: Yes.

Michelle: Oh, dear. I've been gone for a while, haven't I?

Fairfax: Unfortunately so.

Michelle: Excuse me for a minute.

Fairfax: Of course.

_(Fairfax exits the room. Michelle puts her skin and clothes on.)_

Michelle: Come in, Fairfax!

_(Fairfax enters.)_

Michelle: So, what did I miss?

Fairfax: Quite a lot, actually.

_(Fairfax explains what happened after her death. He told her about everything that happened.)_

Michelle: That's typical, isn't it? I died the **DAY BEFORE** the end of the war!

Fairfax: It's not my fault, though.

Michelle: Sorry. I know. Can we go for a walk? I'd like to see how Britain has changed.

Fairfax: All right.

_(They go outside.)_

Michelle: Oh. It hasn't changed much, has it?

Fairfax: Well, this is a quiet area of London.

Michelle: Where's the nearest busy area?

Fairfax: That would be Stratford.

Michelle: But Stratford is just a very small village. Anyway, let's go.

_(When they arrive…)_

Michelle: What's happened to everything? London Transport has been replaced by this "TFL" company, there are huge metal buildings everywhere and everything seems to have gone wrong!

Fairfax: _(thinking)_ Oh, dear. I thought she'd be amazed by all of this, but she isn't!

Michelle: _(quietly, to Fairfax)_ What are those small black boxes everyone seems to be talking into?

Fairfax: _(quietly, to Michelle)_ They are called mobile phones.

Michelle: _(quietly, to Fairfax)_ Mobile phones?

Fairfax: _(quietly, to Michelle)_ Short for mobile telephones.

Michelle: _(quietly, to Fairfax)_ Oh.

Michelle: What is this "Maplin" shop?

Fairfax: It's a technology shop.

Michelle: So it sells these "computers" you told me about and other pieces of technology?

Fairfax: Exactly.

_(Michelle's stomach grumbles.)_

Michelle: _(quietly, to Fairfax)_ Sorry. Do you think we could go for lunch? I haven't eaten in a while.

Fairfax: _(quietly, to Michelle)_ Well, you have been **dead** for a long time.

_(At the ordering table.)_

Fairfax: Can I have a steak, please?

Michelle: I'd like a full English lunch, and a glass of milk, please.

_(Ten minutes later)_

Waiter: Here you go.

_(He places the food on the table.)_

_Michelle and Fairfax:_ Thank you.

_(They tuck into the food. Fairfax seems to have no problem with the food, but Michelle is disgusted by it. She spits it out.)_

Michelle: Eurgh! They have the cheek to call this bread, beef and vegetables?! And this isn't real milk either!

Fairfax: I don't see anything wrong with the meal.

Michelle: It doesn't taste of anything, half of it is artificial and there are probably more nutrients in my boot!

Fairfax: I think you don't like it because I'm used to this kind of food, but you're used to the real stuff.

_(After the meal, the waiter arrives and asks for the payment.)_

Waiter: That'll be five pounds and fifty-five pence.

_(Michelle opens her eyes mouth with shock, but doesn't say anything.)_

Michelle: Here. I have two shillings, and that's it.

Waiter: Sorry, ma'am. We don't accept pre-decimalisation money.

Michelle: Oh.

Fairfax: Here.

Waiter: Thank you.

_(He pays the waiter. Michelle and Fairfax leave the restaurant.)_

Michelle: I know that the pound was decimalised, but why on earth did he ask for five whole pounds for that meal? I can, or used to be able buy a house with twenty-six shillings.

Fairfax: The pound is worth a lot less than it used to be, although it is gaining value again.

Michelle: On another subject, is the food it all like this, these days?

Fairfax: Some of it is, most is a lot worse than this, and a tiny bit is as good as it used to be.

Michelle: It's a good thing that I'm a robot. That way, I won't have to eat this rubbish three times a day to live.

Fairfax: Oh, dear. Let's go back home.

Michelle: Good idea.

_(Back at Fairfax's house)_

Michelle: That…was interesting.

Fairfax: It must be for you.

Michelle: Fairfax, can you go upstairs? I need to tell you something secret.

Fairfax: _(confused)_ All right.

_(In Fairfax's room)_

Michelle: Erm…I have to confess.

Fairfax: Confess about what?

Michelle: My name isn't **actually** Michelle Dubois.

Fairfax: _(surprised)_ What is it, then?

Michelle: It's actually Kirsten Cooke. The name Michelle Dubois was just a pseudonym I was given during the war by MI5 and MI6.

Fairfax: Then why didn't you tell us when you were confessing about being a robot?

Kirsten: Well, I needed to keep my true identity secret, as I needed to seem French during WW2. If I used the name Kirsten Cooke, then everyone would know that I was English. I mean, the only name that could possibly be more English than that is perhaps Johnny English or Frank London!

Fairfax: When you say it like that, then it makes sense. Err, Michelle, I mean Kirsten, why don't you look any older?

Kirsten: As I am a robot, I can't age, or die of things that would kill a human.

Fairfax: Lucky you! You'll always be beautiful!


	3. Fairfax's death

_(A few years later, Fairfax is now one hundred and one years old.)_

Kirsten: Good morning, Fairfax!

_(Fairfax is silent.)_

Kirsten: Fairfax?

_(She shakes his shoulder.)_

Kirsten: Fairfax? Are you all right?

_(She is slightly worried about him now. She checks his pulse, and then jumps back in horror.)_

Kirsten: _(crying)_ Oh, Fairfax! Why? WHY?

_(Fairfax's ghost appears next to his body. He looks young, though.)_

Kirsten: _(Still crying)_ Fairfax! You're dead!

Fairfax: Yes I am, but at least I'm going to heaven! I passed!

Kirsten: _(Sniffing)_ How can you be happy at this time?

Fairfax: I don't know, myself.

Kirsten: What now?

Fairfax: Well, you'll have to organise a funeral for me. I have no idea what you should do after that, though.

Kirsten: I'll call the funeral directors.

_(At Fairfax's funeral. Kirsten, Fairfax's ghost and Carstair's ghost are the mourners. They are all crying.)_

Kirsten: He was a wonderful man!

Carstairs: He was a brilliant friend!

_(They sit there crying for the next half an hour.)_

_(After the funeral. They are in Fairfax's house.)_

Carstairs: Sorry, but I must leave. I was only allowed to visit for the funeral.

_(He disappears.)_

Kirsten: What do we do now?

Fairfax: Well, this house is now yours.

Kirsten: No. It's yours.

Fairfax: No. I've written it into my will that this house becomes yours when I die.

Kirsten: Really?  
Fairfax: You don't joke about these things.

Kirsten: Thank you!

Fairfax: You're welcome.


	4. Kirsten's second death

_(Two months later…)_

_American head of defence:_ This…

_(He points to a picture of Kirsten.)_

_American head of defence:_ …is your target. Its name is Kirsten Cooke and it poses a huge threat to the USA!

_American Soldier:_ How?

_American head of defence:_ It is a robot developed by the UK! Need I say more?

_American Soldier:_ Holy ****!

_American head of defence:_ You need to get rid of that ***** or you will be shot! Do you understand?

_American Soldier:_ Yes, Sir!

_American head of defence:_ Now get out!

_(Later, there are several American military helicopters and a large squadron of American soldiers outside Kirsten's house. They did not ask permission from the UK air control or border control. Kirsten is reading a book inside.)_

_American Soldier:_ Come on, ya lazy *******s! Go! Go! Go!

_(The soldiers charge into Kirsten's house.)_

Kirsten: Hey! Get out!

_(She tries to block them from entering her house, but more come from behind and zap her with large amounts of electricity. This weakens her.)_

Kirsten: _(weakly)_ No…get out of my house.

_American Soldier:_ Shu' up, ya *****!

_(Kirsten faints. The soldiers carry her out of her house, punching her in her face, stomach and groin.)_

_(A few hours later, somewhere in America…)_

_(Kirsten wakes up. She is naked.)_

Kirsten: _(Drowsily)_ Where am I?

_American head of defence:_ That's not important, ya *****!

Kirsten: You're not exactly the most polite person in the world, are you?

_American head of defence:_ Shut the **** up!

Kirsten: That just proves my point.

_American head of defence:_ Arggh!

Kirsten: What have you done with my clothes?

_American head of defence:_ _(Chuckles)_ Taken 'em.

Kirsten: Taken then?! But why?

_American head of defence:_ 'cos we wanted to.

Kirsten: What gives you the right to kidnap a woman, and then take her clothes for no obvious reason?

_American head of defence:_ We did.

Kirsten: You're sick.

_American head of defence:_ We're sick?! You're the one causing a huge risk to the USA!

Kirsten: You what?! I'm a teacher at a school in Newham! I teach French! What am I going to do to the citizens of the USA, teach them to death (?)

_American head of defence:_ You have a terrible reputation here.

Kirsten: For what?! The only odd things that I've done is that I was head of the French Resistance during World War Two; and that I was hit by a gas bomb during WW2, which made me go crazy and rape a man. That has already been dealt with.

_American head of defence:_ You raped a man, eh? Time for payback.

_(He unzips his trousers and jumps onto Kirsten.)_

Kirsten: _(Pushing him off)_ Get off! I may be a robot, but I'm not a sex toy!

_American head of defence:_ I know, but I can do whatever I want with you.

_(The American head of defence presses a button on the wall and some clamps appear that hold Kirsten in place.)_

Kirsten: Oh, God! You really want to rape me, don't you?

_American head of defence:_ Yeah, 'cos being inside you will feel great!

_(He takes his penis out, and Kirsten laughs.)_

Kirsten: Is that it? I was expecting you to have a small penis, but yours is TINY! It's only about an inch big!

_American head of defence:_ Doesn't matter, 'cos it's going in you anyway.

_(He penetrates her bottom. Kirsten doesn't seem to be bothered at all.)_

Kirsten: Ow (!) That hurts so much (!) Have mercy (!) No, really, stop.

_(He continues to rape her in that way for the next five minutes, and then he ejaculates.)_

Kirsten: _(Laughing hard)_ Five minutes! You got all hyped about this and you only lasted FIVE MINUTES! Most men last for around half an hour. You only produced a drop of semen!

_American head of defence:_ Yeah, so? This'll be happening tomorrow, and the days after it for as long as I like.

_(He puts his penis back in his trousers, releases Kirsten out of the clamps and then walks off.)_

Kirsten: _(To herself :)_ What a pathetic and evil man!

_(The next day, in the same situation)_

Kirsten: Well done (!) Your penis has somehow grown to two inches.

_American head of defence:_ Yeah. Amazing, isn't it!

Kirsten: Hardly.

_(He rapes her for ten minutes, and then ejaculates a mere two droplets of semen. Kirsten smirks, and he walks out.)_

_(He rapes her the next day, and everything is three times as much as that of the first day. He doesn't get any better after that, and rapes her for ten more days. After that, he blindfolds her and takes her to another room.)_

_American head of defence:_ Kill her.

_(The soldier shoots Kirsten, but she isn't even hurt.)_

Kirsten: You idiot! I'm not affected by any type of weapon, even nuclear bombs!

_American head of defence:_ Use the electric gun.

_(The soldier shoots Kirsten, and she collapses and falls apart completely. The American head of defence puts her body and clothes into a metal pod and seals it.)_

_American head of defence: (On the phone :)_ Give me NASA! Oi! NASA! I need you to flush a metal pod into space!

_(Half an hour later, a NASA lorry arrives and takes the pod to the rocket launch site. At the launch site…)_

_Electronic voice: _Take off in 3, 2, 1, we have lift-off!

_(The rocket took the pod away from Earth. Both American and British newspapers went crazy when they discovered that it contained the dead body of a female robot._

_The American newspapers came up with headlines like this:_

"_Evil British robot made for war disposed of by the brave NASA!" "Robot gone wrong destroyed!" and "Aliens will get it and use it against us!"_

_The British newspapers went crazy in a different way. Their headlines were like this:_

"_Innocent woman kidnapped, raped and killed by the US armed forces…for being a robot!"_

"_Maniac US army kills innocent woman for no reason"_

_And "American head of defence arrested for an innocent woman's rape")_

_(The pod drifted away from Earth, carrying Kirsten's dead body. The only way she could come back to life was if someone rebuilt her, like a small group of people stranded aboard a mining ship, 3 million years from Earth...)_


End file.
